Our wedding anniversary was this last week, and we both took time off from our wage-producing jobs (as opposed to our “keeping me alive” jobs that don’t allow for time off 🤣). Since it is difficult for me to travel, I encouraged my husband to plan a solo trip to a neighboring state to go mountain biking over the first long weekend of our PTO week, and then we were going to do a staycation at home for our anniversary the rest of the week. However, my uncle’s funeral was last Monday, so my husband postponed his solo trip, and then the rest of the week ended up being anything but a relaxing staycation. We had the funeral, 2 sick days (me), 3 medical appointments for me, a therapy session, a power outage in our home, and an internet outage in our home that we had to troubleshoot for an entire day. [Side Note: Our internet provider was adamant that the earliest available appointment for a technician to come to our home was 11 days away, but that is a story for another day. 🙄] It was almost comical at one point. The entire week reminded me of how much I love my husband. Would it have been more fun to do other things? Definitely. But, ultimately, I wanted to spend time together, and that is what happened.
As I have mentioned in my previous blog posts, the last few months have been even more difficult than usual due to my health situation. The conversations we have to have on a daily/weekly/monthly basis are not exactly what I would call fun. These conversations are conversations that most couples never have to have or don’t have until later in life. We have to be grown ass mature adults more often than we would like, and the learned coping strategies that have always worked in the past have to constantly be reevaluated. There is a level of built in stress that comes along with invisible complex chronic illnesses that most people can’t even comprehend, and yet, here we are . . . still a couple and still right beside each other. This is one of the many reasons we love couples therapy. We are not a couple that is on the brink of divorce. In fact, it is quite the opposite. We go to therapy to ensure that we stay connected and are managing the stress of the invisible complex chronic illness in healthy ways. Not only is the illness a source of stress for us as individuals and a couple, how the people around us handle (or don’t handle) the illness is also a source of stress. There are so many facets involved in living alongside chronic illness that may not be apparent to people on the outside looking in. The stats indicate that most couples do not make it through chronic illness as a couple, and we are doing everything in our power to beat those odds.
So, when my husband recently told me how much he values my ability to tackle all of the difficult topics in a relationship head-on, I was grateful for the feedback and support. One of the many benefits of being someone who sees life in patterns is that I can tell right away if our relationship is developing a pattern that is not serving us as a couple. And, when I see the pattern, I will make sure we address it. I am someone who will always say what needs to be said, even if it is uncomfortable. I will bring up any topic that needs to be addressed and make sure we don’t sweep it under the rug. We both want to maintain a healthy relationship, and healthy relationships involve uncomfortable conversations.
The fact that my husband is grateful for this trait of mine is one of the many ways I know that I married the right person. Not everyone appreciates this part of me. (The people in my life who avoid uncomfortable conversations and/or try to sweep everything under the rug definitely don’t appreciate this part of me.) But, that doesn’t stop me from being who I am and speaking the truth anyway. I am not someone who will be fake just to make others more comfortable, and my husband understands the importance of this trait in healthy relationships.
One of my husband’s traits that I value the most is his commitment to being a good partner. He is someone who is always willing to help wherever he can in order to reach our goals. He reminds me that we are a team almost every single day. One of the many reasons I knew that I wanted to marry him the first week we were a couple is that he was already my best friend. For example, my car got a flat tire in the parking lot of his apartment complex during the first week of our relationship. When we realized the tire was flat, he drove me back to my apartment to let me get ready for our date later that night, and then he went back to change the tire. (Little did I know that he also had a dozen roses waiting for me as a surprise at my apartment.) At almost every turn, my husband’s first response is, “How can I help?”
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I hit the jackpot in the spouse department. We are not perfect people, but we put in the work to be the best partners we can be for each other. And, we love each other deeply. When I think about everything that had to happen for our paths to cross, I am both grateful and amazed at the sequence of events.
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Life is hard. Relationships are not fairy tales. There is work involved in order to have the type of relationship we want to continue to have. But, it is the best kind of work. And, there isn’t anyone else I would rather do the work with than my husband. ❤️
Brutal. The PTO that didn’t go exactly as planned. The success rate of couples who live alongside chronic illnesses.
Beautiful. Wedding anniversary staycation. Real love. Saying what needs to be said. Beating the odds. Having the “How can I help?” spouse. The sequence of events that led us to each other.
Just another day of . . . This Brutiful Life: The Brutal & Beautiful Moments of My Life.
This Brutiful Life 