This Brutiful Life

I have never really been stuck on the “Why me?” part of this health journey. Yes, there are times when I ask myself the question, but I don’t spend too much time on it. More often than not, I ask myself, “Why not me?” I am a regular person and there are a lot of regular people who deal with really tough life circumstances. In addition, I don’t really have extra time to spend on asking the big why, because most of my time is spent doing whatever it will take to save my life. I don’t regularly spend time thinking about how bad the situation is, because I am truly grateful for so much of what I do have. The only time I stop to think about the difficulties we face is when I am sharing the details of my story to someone in my inner circle and they look shocked by what I am saying.

Even though I don’t believe that everything happens for a reason, I do believe in learning as much as I can from all of my life experiences. There is always something that can be learned, and I make the choice every single day to not waste this pain.

I also believe that my abilities and skill sets make me uniquely qualified for this journey. From what I am frequently told, I have an internal fortitude that is not commonly seen in others. What I can confidently say as someone who is living in the messy middle of a serious health situation is that most people in my situation would be dead by now. Many people with invisible complex chronic illnesses end up dying by suicide. Luckily for me, dying by suicide has never been an option for me. It is simply not in the constitution of my being. However, as a highly empathetic person, I don’t make judgments about people who do die by suicide. I understand their pain. (Side note: Medical aid in dying is not the same as dying by suicide, but that topic is for a different day.)

Not only do I have an internal fortitude that is unmatched, I have a background in education. I am highly capable of using my story to shed light on important topics, and I am always looking for ways to help others. I also have a strong sense of self and don’t feel the need to censor myself simply because others may not like what I have to say. Not very many people would be able to be as authentic and vulnerable in sharing their story when faced with criticism and judgment from the outside world. In fact, I have been told this very sentiment by quite a few people in my inner circle over the last few years. So, since I am able to speak up for people with invisible complex chronic illnesses, I feel compelled to do my part. I am not easily deterred from my purpose, and I have been this way my entire life.

Another one of my qualities is that I am excellent at having and maintaining boundaries. I don’t allow others to put their shit on me. When criticism and judgment from the outside world becomes louder than usual, it is a boundary reminder for me. And, I am proof that someone can be kind while simultaneously holding firm boundaries.

Boundaries are a necessity for anyone who is sharing their story in a public way. And, if for some reason, a boundary gets breached, then I go back to relying on my strong sense of self, my resilience, and my perseverance.

I’m not gonna lie, though. There are plenty of days when I wish I could tell people to go to therapy. 🤣

(For real, though. Maybe think about it. 👀)

Since I am not wasting this pain, I am learning, growing, and changing every single day. And, I wouldn’t want that part of this journey to be any other way! There are gifts that can come from painful life events, and there is no sense in going through something like this and staying stagnant. I am grateful for the people who agree with me and are part of this journey with me. ❤️


Brutal. Asking “Why me?” Being told that everything happens for a reason. People who refuse to go to therapy.

Beautiful. Emotionally safe people. Not wasting this pain. Internal fortitude. Being highly capable of using my story to shed light on important topics. Helping others. Strong sense of self. Boundaries. Resilience. Perseverance. Therapy. Learning, growing, and changing every single day. The people on this journey with me.


Just another day of . . . This Brutiful Life: The Brutal & Beautiful Moments of My Life.