Physical Health:
I have experienced some new weird physical symptoms over the last few weeks. My main doctor and I have been in contact with each other to try to determine next steps. We both view these new symptoms as clues and more data.
Emotional Health:
The holiday PTO break wasn’t quite as much of a break as my husband and I were hoping for due to the new weird physical symptoms popping up for me. There were some definite tears of frustration and sadness along the way. I am fortunate that my husband understands the importance of letting me process difficult emotions and feelings in healthy ways. He doesn’t try to rush me or force positivity, because he knows that I am awesome at doing the emotional work and processing what needs to be processed in very quick timeframes. All he needs to do is sit with me in the mud for the short time it takes to process it all.
When given the space and support to move through difficult emotions and feelings in healthy ways, I am able to get back to joy and gratitude relatively quickly. I am emotionally resilient and bounce back easily. Therefore, we had a wonderful break overall! It is amazing how much less stress there is when we can take just one “job” off of each of our plates — in this case, our wage-producing jobs. Even when we still have the health regimen “job”, medical admin “job”, and caregiving “job”, it still feels like a breath of fresh air for both of us. My husband and I spent time on both individual hobbies and joint hobbies. My husband met up with some friends to mountain bike and trail run. I spent time watching/listening to podcasts and socializing via videocall or driveway visits with friends. Together, my husband and I watched movies and completed 6 jigsaw puzzles while singing along to our favorite songs. Here are pictures of the completed puzzles:
We were grateful to not have many formal plans and/or places to be. It was as relaxing as it could be given that our life is not easy on most days.
We had such a wonderful break that I cried when it was almost over. I told my husband that there is beauty in the meaning behind the tears. The tears are an outward expression of how much I have appreciated and enjoyed our time together connecting as a couple (and especially with less stress on our plates). My husband told me several times over the break how much fun he was having. Neither of us wanted this special time together to end, and that is such a blessing. Not everyone finds joy in spending time with their spouse.
I know that it can be difficult for people who aren’t in my situation to understand how I could feel terrible from a physical perspective, but be having so much fun from an emotional perspective. Two things can be true at the same time: My physical health is a daily challenge AND I have a joy-filled life. This is also, though, why the stakes are so high for my physical health. If I hated my life, there wouldn’t be as much to lose with the possibility of dying young. Yet, since I love my life, each passing day with more physical issues increases the sense of urgency to figure it all out and find resolution. I don’t get much choice on the timeline, though, and it doesn’t do me any good to focus on what I can’t change, so I might as well seek out as much joy as possible along the way. ❤️
Brutal. New weird physical symptoms.
Beautiful. Processing difficult emotions and feelings in healthy ways as they are come up for me. Having a husband who knows how to sit with me in the mud. Much needed time off from our wage-producing jobs. Resting and recharging. Prioritizing our connection as a couple. Seeking out as much joy as possible along the way.
Just another day of . . . This Brutiful Life: The Brutal & Beautiful Moments of My Life.
This Brutiful Life 