Physical Health:
We are still in Step 1 of the tentative treatment plan:
Due to the fact that my physical symptoms have been increasing over the last few months, we are moving at a very slow pace. Sometimes, increasing symptoms mean that we are moving in the right direction, and sometimes increasing symptoms mean that we are going too fast or moving in the wrong direction. What we are certain about is that my body has been fighting for a long time, and it is tired. It has been running on fumes, so fighting for my health is going to continue to be an uphill climb. So far, my main doctor has been good at sticking with a tentative plan while also listening to what my body is saying and making adjustments along the way. She frequently tells me to give her as many details as possible so that she can interpret what is happening each step of the way.
Because we are moving at a very slow pace, there are not as many physical updates at this stage of the process. We are basically trying to get my body back to baseline working order so that it can function as it should and fight off pathogens. That is a tall task considering the fact that I was gaslit by medical professionals for quite a few years, and my body is physically exhausted because of it. We remain hopeful that we can get there someday, but it is going to continue to require a large amount of patience and resilience.
We are currently keeping our eye on some of my lymph nodes. I did not know that this was currently an issue until 2 different practitioners brought it to my attention in the last week.
Emotional Health:
In order to take care of my emotional health, I have been focused (as usual) on feeling the wide range of normal and healthy emotions and feelings before returning to my normal state of gratitude. I have been regularly thanking my body for fighting so hard for me all of these years. It would be easy to feel discouraged about my physical health and my body’s reactions to treatment protocols. It would be easy to talk negatively to my body during the most frustrating times. However, I don’t actually feel that way. What I feel most often is gratitude for the work my body has done to help keep me alive until I can get more information. One thing that is apparent to all members of my medical team is how hard each organ system is working to keep my body functioning. My body is exhausted, but it keeps trying. And, for that, I am grateful.
I very much dislike what my body has had to experience, but I love my body for doing its part to keep me alive. Knowing all of the details of the fight, it is quite amazing that I am still here.
I am grateful for my main doctor who has been a blessing since we started with her in late April. She is taking the time to really focus on my situation. She started her own practice 3 months ago, and we have had some very honest discussions about the way I was treated by previous medical practitioners. When she hears my stories, she is appalled and disgusted. She frequently reminds me that she will do her best and put her all into helping me, and I trust that she will tell me if she doesn’t have the answers and/or thinks I need to head in a different direction. This kind of trust has been missing from several of my previous practitioners, so it feels good to have it once again.
I am also grateful for my supportive people. One of my closest friends likes to run one specific errand for me to take something off of my plate. I needed that errand run this week, but I knew she was very busy as a teacher with the end of the semester. And, she also has some things going on in her personal life that are taking quite a bit of her time and energy. However, I promised her a while back that I would ask her if she was available for this specific errand no matter when the errand needed to be run, so I followed through on that promise even though I was worried that it was one more thing being added to her plate during a busy time. I reminded her that my husband or I could run the errand, but she declined my offer. When I found out that she had even more on her plate this week than I previously knew, I apologized for adding my errand to her list of things to do. This was her response:
She does not have to add my stuff to her plate, but whenever possible, she does anyway. I am fortunate to have people like her in my life who show up for me even when it is inconvenient. This is love in action.
In addition, I am grateful for social media reels and posts by Kate Bowler (following the current trendy theme 🤣) popping up in my Instagram feed that humorously point out the absurdity of people’s reactions and responses towards others who are living alongside chronic illness.
You all know how I feel about “Everything happens for a reason” and “God only gives you what you can handle”. Kate always has a way of helping others who live alongside chronic illness feel seen and understood.
Last, but not least, I continue to be extremely grateful for my husband. When I think about all that we have been through together due to my health situation, and the fact that he has been by my side every step of the way, it is beyond fathomable how blessed I am to have him in my life. He is my best friend and my true love all in one person, and I never take his love or support for granted.
I am so fortunate to have someone who continues to show up with me in a story that looks different than what we thought it would be.
As my husband and I try to do every year at this time, we are taking some much needed time off from our wage-producing jobs to enjoy the holidays together. We are also purposefully reducing the mental/cognitive load of living alongside an invisible complex chronic illness by limiting medical appointments and postponing important decisions to give ourselves time to rest and recharge. We are excited to spend time “puzzle-ing”, catching up on television shows and podcasts, enjoying nature and the good weather coming our way, and prioritizing our connection as a couple.❤️
Brutal. Physical exhaustion. Medical gaslighting. Mental/Cognitive load of living alongside an invisible complex chronic illness.
Beautiful. A doctor who is thoughtful and paying attention. My supportive people. Timely social media posts by Kate Bowler. Much needed time off from our wage-producing jobs to enjoy the holidays together. Purposefully reducing the mental/cognitive load of living alongside an invisible complex chronic illness. Resting and recharging. Prioritizing our connection as a couple.
[Side Note: This will be my last blog post for 2025. The blog posts published in 2026 will continue to be located on the blog homepage as they have previously been, and they will also be listed on the 2026 blog page in order to continue organizing posts by year.]
Just another day of . . . This Brutiful Life: The Brutal & Beautiful Moments of My Life.
This Brutiful Life 