I was watching a reality television show last week as a break from my own current reality (shitshow? š¤£), and the person in the reality television show was discussing being robbed at gunpoint. The person indicated that they were grateful that they were robbed at gunpoint, because it made them a better person.
This made me wonder why some people say that having gone through a traumatic event made them a stronger and/or better person. We all know how devastating traumatic events can be in people’s lives.
There are many people who have gone through traumatic events and have never recovered, so let’s stop glorifying trauma.
The trauma survivors who see positive outcomes have usually done quite a bit of personal work to learn, grow, and heal from their experiences. The traumatic events themselves are not responsible for the positive change. The survivors are stronger and better despite the trauma.
I have experienced multiple traumatic events in my life, and I have done the work to learn, grow, and heal from them. I have worked hard to regain my sense of self. I have worked hard for Inner Peace and to feel sturdy again. I have worked hard to remain open, kind, and loving despite the criticism, judgment, and noise from the outside world. I have worked hard to maintain stability with regard to my mental health. I have worked hard to be interdependent with my supportive people. I have worked hard to release the trauma from my body. I have worked hard to maintain my ability to rest without hypervigilance. I have worked hard to heal from the medical gaslighting. I have worked hard to expand my window of tolerance and regulate my nervous system. The list goes on and on. I have worked hard to heal so that I don’t bleed on people who didn’t cut me.
Going through traumatic events in my own life has *not* made me a stronger or better person. What I have chosen to do in response to those traumatic events is what has made me a stronger and better person. As our amazing therapist frequently tells me, “You are a beautiful example of seeking purpose and meaning out of the suffering.” In other words, the traumatic events themselves do not get the credit for anything positive. I do. I get the credit for seeking purpose and meaning. I am more empathetic, compassionate, and resilient. I have a wider lens through which I see the world. In addition, I am sharing my story in the messy middle to help others feel less alone in their messy middles. Yes, I am a stronger and better person, but I could have become a stronger and better person via a variety of routes. I didn’t need to experience traumatic events in order to learn and grow. I am grateful for the learning and growth that is a result of the healing work I have done, but I am not grateful for the trauma I have had to endure along the way.
Brutal. Experiencing multiple traumatic events in my life.
Beautiful. Seeking purpose and meaning out of the suffering.
Just another day of . . . This Brutiful Life: The Brutal & Beautiful Moments of My Life.
This Brutiful Life 