This Brutiful Life

Would you rather be steady or sturdy?

I was recently having a conversation with a close friend of mine about emotional health and steady versus sturdy. People used to tell me how much they admired my steadiness as a person, and I would take it as a compliment. However, I would rather be sturdy than steady. When I was explaining my description of sturdiness versus steadiness to my friend, she told me that I should write a blog post about it, so here we are. 🤣

When I think of steady, I think of someone who is always calm, cool, and collected. A person who is steady is generally respected and admired in our society. They will frequently get feedback that sounds like, “You are so strong!” Or, “You are always so calm in the face of adversity.” And, this trait may seem like a trait that is to be admired, but I do not believe this to be true these days based on what our society classifies as steady. Yes, there are times when a person needs to remain calm in the midst of extreme circumstances in order to survive, but aren’t we supposed to be living and not just surviving? To me, steady describes someone who is a flatline of emotion. And, more than likely, they are suppressing their feelings instead of moving through them in healthy ways. It is not healthy for a human to be a flatline of emotion.

When I think of sturdy, I think of someone who has a strong foundation like the trunk and roots of an oak tree. Regardless of what is going on around them, people who are sturdy are rooted in who they are. Because they know who they are, they are able to survive, grow, and even thrive in a variety of circumstances like an oak tree does during wind, rain, and sun. Regardless of what is happening with the branches of the oak tree, the trunk is sturdy. For me, I might have a bunch of things happening all around me on this health journey, but I am solid in who I am and know that I am capable of meeting each moment (good or difficult) as it comes. When I am sturdy, I have Inner Peace.

Using my descriptions of steady and sturdy, steady would be the top example in the image below (unhealthy), and sturdy would be the bottom example in the image below (healthy):

Sturdiness requires emotional and nervous system regulation. This is why I place a high priority on continuing to express my emotions and moving through all types of feelings regardless of whether the feelings are comfortable or uncomfortable.

(credit: the.holistic.psychologist on IG)


There is a good chance that if you know someone who you would classify as steady, they are probably suppressing their feelings instead of moving through them in healthy ways. I have always been good at expressing my feelings, so I don’t think that I have ever truly been steady in terms of my description above. I think that what the people who know me best were previously classifying as steady was actually me being dependable, consistent, and reliable, but not steady as a flatline of emotion. Someone can be dependable, consistent, and reliable while also expressing their emotions and feelings. In my opinion, people are *more* dependable, consistent, and reliable if they are able to express their emotions and feelings. People are more trustworthy when they are real and authentic. They have an internal sturdiness about them that can be felt by others. You know that what you see on the outside is who they truly are on the inside, and so it is easier to trust them as people.

I think it is also important to note that sturdiness does not include perfect inner dialogue. Perfect inner dialogue would be more about steadiness than sturdiness. Steadiness involves toxic positivity and suppressing uncomfortable emotions and feelings. On the other hand, sturdiness involves having and expressing all types of emotions and feelings, but not giving the temporary emotions and feelings any of your power. This is an important distinction.