One of my friends recently told me how much she appreciates my blog posts. She told me that she drops everything to read a post as soon as she gets the email that a new blog post has been published. She has read every single post that I have published in the last 2.5 years, and she doesn’t know how I have been able to remain so open, honest, raw, and vulnerable throughout all of the ups and downs of this journey. She knows that she would not have been able to do the same.
Another friend recently apologized on behalf of the people in my life who have said and done things in the last few years (and especially in the last year) that have been hurtful. She told me that I deserve better, and she doesn’t know how anyone would be able to endure what I endure from the outside world.
My response to both of these friends was basically the same. Yes, it is painful, but I am not easily deterred. I know who I am; I have a strong sense of self. I am frequently told that I have an inner strength and determination that is unparalleled. One of the reasons I write blog posts is because I believe that it is part of my purpose. I am someone who can speak and/or write about difficult topics and stay the course regardless of what is happening around me. Even though I wholeheartedly agree that I do deserve better in many cases, the words and actions of others won’t stop me from speaking the truth. I am someone who can take the heat. I do what I think is right even in the face of judgment and/or criticism from others. It is one of my superpowers, and it always has been. And, the fact that I have remained open, kind, and loving despite the negativity that comes my way is something that I am proud of.
(credit: @case.kenny on IG)
Of course, the negativity directed at me is painful, but I am very aware that most judgment and/or criticism from other people is a projection of their own insecurities and has nothing to do with me. Healing has taught me that honesty, authenticity, and boundaries won’t ruin a real thing.
My husband told our therapist a few weeks ago that one of the many traits of mine that he admires is my ability to stay the course while simultaneously being open to new things. He said that I am good at driving down the highway of life and not veering off the road. I know who I am at my core, and I don’t lose sight of that. And, even though I stay the course, I also see everything that passes by me while driving down the highway. If there is something that passes by and needs to be integrated into my life, I can easily integrate it without losing who I am at my core. He says that I am unique in this way. [Our therapist calls this being both resilient and adaptable.] And, my husband believes that by simply sharing my experiences honestly and authentically, I am providing a guide to others for how to live a more connected and fulfilled life. He wishes that the people in my life who struggle in this area would read the blog and cherish it as the gift that it is. He told our therapist, “If they would just follow her lead instead of being fearful of the growth that would be required of them, they would see a noticeable difference in their lives. The ones who see the gifts that she is giving through her writing are grateful to receive them.”
So, yes, I do deserve better than some of what I get from the outside world. However, as long as I still believe that the blog is serving a purpose, then I will keep publishing posts.
And, it doesn’t hurt that I have people in my life who send me positive messages to counterbalance the judgment and criticism. One of my lifelong friends sent me this image this weekend and said that it made her think of me:
(credit: unknown)
My supportive people are the best! The truth of the matter is that I have many more people in my life who are supportive and kind. So, I do my best to stay the course and focus on what truly matters in life.
Brutal. Judgment and criticism from others.
Beautiful. Remaining open, kind, and loving despite the negativity that comes my way. Being simultaneously resilient and adaptable. Positive messages from my supportive people. Staying the course and focusing on what truly matters in life.
Just another day of . . . This Brutiful Life: The Brutal & Beautiful Moments of My Life.
This Brutiful Life 