This health journey is a constant test of my resilient nature. The many twists and turns can make it difficult at times to see where I have been and where I am going. The pace is slow, and there are many setbacks. It can sometimes feel like I am going in circles if I am only looking at it from one perspective.
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I am typically excellent at seeing life from multiple perspectives, but like anyone, there are days when one perspective overrides the rest. The last few months have been incredibly difficult and have required me to consciously practice regularly shifting my perspective. During less stressful times, this shifting of perspective is automatic for me. But, during more stressful times, I rely on my support system to help me with the shifting. Over the last 18 months, I have been diligently refining my list of supportive people. I have completed this practice at various times in the last 20+ years, but it was time once again. I had people in my life who were energy vampires (sucked up all of my energy) and who rarely poured their energy back into me, so I decided to refocus my time and energy on the people who return the favor and fill me up. This practice has left me with a tighter inner circle of wonderful people who are emotionally safe, emotionally mature, and who can give as much as they take. Studies show that the quality of close relationships is more important than the quantity of close relationships, and I completely agree. This has been one of the best things I have done for myself at various times on this journey, and I am proud of the fact that I know when it needs to be done.
As a result of being intentional in this way, I now have a smaller support system of people who know me on an even deeper level. These people include certain family members, friends, texting friends, colleagues, and our therapist. They are my truth tellers. They see me in many of my different roles in life, and they provide me with unique insight when needed. They are some of the most intelligent, authentic, kind, and trustworthy people I know, and I rely on them in many different ways. My love and respect for these people is off the charts, so when they speak, I listen.
Over the last few weeks, three of my support people have separately either spoken words of support or texted me words of support. One of my closest friends who knows the messy details of my daily life told me that she was going to buy me an “I’m Fucking Kicking Ass!” t-shirt to wear when I need the reminder. I told her that I was having a hard time determining whether or not I was managing certain aspects of this journey very well. As the words came out of my mouth, she gave me the weirdest look of genuine confusion. We have been friends for almost 20 years, and she said that she doesn’t know anyone who would be handling my situation any better than me and especially for the duration that this has been going on. She has someone else very close to her who is not handling a tough situation very well, and the way this person goes about it is vastly different than how I go about it all. My friend could understand how it would be hard for me to tell in the messy middle of it all, but she assured me that anyone who is *not* me, but who knows me well, is astounded by my resilience and ability to keep moving forward.
Then, a few days ago, our therapist sent a supportive message in response to my most recent blog post (Real Love) about our wedding anniversary and what my husband and I each bring to our relationship. I replied to her supportive text message to let her know how much we appreciate her support and her ability to be there for us on this journey, and her reply to my reply (🤣) was very touching:
This mental health professional has seen us at our best and our worst. We hold nothing back. She knows more about our backgrounds, experiences, daily life, and how we operate in the world than anyone else on this planet, so for her to say that we are both super amazing humans means so much. She has seen it all, and she knows her shit. And, she doesn’t say things she doesn’t mean. What a compliment coming from her!
Later that same day, one of my friends from work videocalled me for the sole purpose of thanking me for mentoring her over the last few years. She told me that I am one of the best people she knows at seeing all sides of a situation and having empathy for others’ experiences. She has learned so much from me about seeing different perspectives in the workplace and in life. She also thinks that I am unique in my ability to have boundaries for what I will allow in my life while maintaining kindness in the process. She watches me maintain both my professional and personal boundaries for what is healthiest for me, even when it is difficult. She believes one of my strengths is allowing others to have their feelings about my boundaries, but remembering that it is not my job to manage their feelings about my boundaries. My job is to put myself in healthy situations as much as possible, and she is impressed by my ability in this area. I sent her a text later that day to thank her for calling me and saying such kind things, and this was her response:
I don’t know why all 3 of these conversations and/or messages of support are happening around the same time, but I am grateful. When life is difficult, it is such a blessing to have people in my life who know me so well and can attest to my character and abilities in certain areas. I don’t take these people (or any others in my inner circle) for granted. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t remember all of the good things in my life, and these people are definitely in the good column. ❤️
Brutal. The many twists and turns of this health journey. Energy vampires. Needing to refine the list.
Beautiful. Refining the list when necessary. Healthy boundaries. Having people in my life who know me deeply and can attest to my character and abilities in certain areas when my vision is blurry.
Just another day of . . . This Brutiful Life: The Brutal & Beautiful Moments of My Life.
This Brutiful Life 