Physical Health:
I got my first Stellate Ganglion Block (SGB) this week (see my Onward post for more info on SGBs). I didn’t know that it was going to be my “first” until I showed up at the appointment and the doctor recommended that I get one per week for 2-3 weeks. Um, what? I knew that I might need multiple SGBs, but I thought the plan was to wait to see whether or not this one helped. The nurse practitioner didn’t mention this during our consultation a few weeks ago.
Also, when we showed up, we found out that my insurance had denied the procedure, even though we had been in communication with their office twice about insurance coverage. So, not only would we need to self pay for this SGB procedure, we would also need to self pay x 3 for each of the SGB procedures for the next 3 or so weeks.
Since I am getting the SGBs for an “off-label” reason, we aren’t super surprised that insurance isn’t covering them. However, we were definitely frustrated about the lack of good communication about it from the medical practice. When we arrived at the appointment and the receptionist informed us of this latest update, I just stood there and stared blankly at her for a good 30 seconds. My husband could sense that I was shocked (not sure why I continue to be shocked by anything at this point), so he jumped in to say that we would be self paying for the procedure since there were no other options.
We were also told right before the procedure of some potential side effects that we weren’t informed of at our consultation, so we had to make some quick decisions. Everything leading up to the procedure was absurd to be quite honest. The good news is that the actual procedure went better than anticipated, and I did not have any of the potential side effects. I have been told that the 2nd and 3rd SGBs can cause more side effects, so I will prepare myself accordingly.
We don’t yet know if the first SGB has made any lasting impact on my immune system hypervigilance (MCAS/histamine response). I have been in communication with my main doctor to make sure he agrees with the recommendation for 2-3 SGBs in a row, and he currently agrees with the recommendation. He did remind me that the side effects could increase, but sometimes those increased side effects mean that the procedure is working. I am holding out hope that the combination of the SGBs over the next few weeks will make a significant impact with minimal side effects.
In addition to all of this, we found out this week that the supplemental practitioner in my main doctor’s practice is leaving the practice. This poses a challenge since she is the practitioner who prescribes my prescription medication. We are waiting for more information about next steps for this latest predicament.
Emotional Health:
My husband told me after the SGB appointment that he doesn’t know anyone who is more of a Badass than me. The amount of unknowns and changes that we were hit with at this appointment in the span of 30 minutes was quite high. I would agree that it was a lot.
And, then to find out the next day that the supplemental practitioner in my main doctor’s practice is leaving is another huge unknown.
As I have stated previously, I am used to a large amount of uncertainty. I have been living alongside many unknowns for the last 20+ years. While my health situation is far from preferred, it has definitely made me a super resilient person. When faced with a lot of unknowns, I am usually able to just keep moving forward one step at at time.
Earlier this week, I saw a post on social media by Dr. Becky Kennedy (aka Dr. Becky Good Inside) that explained The Learning Space and included this graphic:
Dr. Becky’s post helped reinforce how I have become so resilient over the years. There have been long periods of time on this health journey between the “Not-Knowing” and the “Knowing,” also known as The Learning Space. During these long periods of time in The Learning Space, I do everything in my power to get to the “Knowing” faster, but most of it is beyond my control. I have been forced to develop a high level of tolerance for The Learning Space. This is why both our therapist and my main doctor have told me that I am a very resilient person. I have learned to ride the waves of uncertainty; I have learned to be comfortable being uncomfortable. Would I prefer it to be different? Yes x 1000. But, since there is nothing more that I can do to get to the “Knowing” faster, then I might as well try to enjoy The Learning Space as much as possible and be grateful for the resilience I have developed along the way.
[Side note: The day after I saved this graphic of The Learning Space for my blog, one of my other favorite people on the internet, Sharon McMahon, also shared Dr. Becky’s info about The Learning Space. I must be doing something right if Sharon McMahon and I agree on the importance of a topic. 🤣]
When I taught math early in my teaching career, I would frequently explain the concept of The Learning Space to my students (obviously without calling it The Learning Space). I would remind them that certain topics may not make sense on the first day of learning about them, but based on previous experience and the teacher/student relationships we had built with each other, they needed to trust that I would get them to the right spot by the last day of learning about certain topics. Their only job was to give it their all and trust the process of learning.
It seems like I was unknowingly preparing myself for the road ahead in my personal life as well.
The “Not-Knowing, The Learning Space, Knowing” concept is very similar to Glennon Doyle’s “First The Pain, Then The Waiting, Then The Rising” concept that I introduced in my Pain, Waiting, Rising blog post last year. However, just because I understand the concept doesn’t mean that it is easy all the time. There are a lot of ups and downs and unknowns on this health journey. It takes courage to continue to show up for all of it.
My life is very different than how I thought it would be. My resilience comes from knowing that there will be ups and downs and unknowns and trusting myself to handle the ups and downs and unknowns as they come.
Let me be clear, though. I would warmly welcome any positive changes to my situation that would lessen the need for me to be so resilient. ❤️
Brutal. So many unknowns all of the time.
Beautiful. Becoming a super resilient person in the face of so many unknowns.
Just another day of . . . This Brutiful Life: The Brutal & Beautiful Moments of My Life.
This Brutiful Life 