For a variety of reasons, some people don’t have the emotional capacity to show up for me in the ways that I need. Accepting that I have a different emotional capacity than other people has been an important part of my growth over the years.
I have known this truth for as long as I can remember, and I have accepted it at various times in my life. However, sometimes life is about learning to accept things over and over again as circumstances change and life happens. Accepting it again last year was painful, to say the least, but it helped me focus more on the people who are able to show up for me. I have a few dear friends who fit into this category.
My friends are important to me, so this post is a love letter to the friends who continue to show up for me.
One of my dear friends shows up for me both physically and emotionally. She insists on running errands for me, because she knows how hard it is for me to try to continue working full-time while also managing my health situation and trying to take care of myself. Here is what happened earlier this month when I texted her about an errand:
This same friend started her own sessions with my amazing therapist last fall. When my friend realized that she may be taking a morning timeslot for her sessions that I might need, she immediately said she would change her appointment times to make mine a priority. When I felt torn about it, she said, “Please let me do this. It is one of the only things I can ‘do’ for you, and I want to do it. It makes me feel like I am helping when I rarely feel like there is anything I can do to help you.”
Another dear friend of mine doesn’t live in my area, so she regularly texts me to check in with me. We discuss a wide variety of topics, and I truly feel seen and loved by her. She is also one of the first people to text me after reading my blog posts to show her support of me and my journey. She is such a wonderful person inside and out.
Then, there is a dear friend who I have known since we were teenagers. She frequently texts me about her real life deep stuff and makes me feel like I am an important part of her life even though we don’t get to physically see each other often. She is also great at giving book recommendations that are specifically tailored to my current reading list criteria: easy breezy fiction and/or deep and meaningful memoirs. And, then there are the texts she sends me for the sole reason of letting me know that she is thinking of me.
I have another friend who I met about 25 years ago in a random way. She dated and married an elementary-through-high school neighbor/friend of mine, and she and I both knew right away that we were very similar in how we view the world. Even though we don’t see each other regularly, and we became friends in an unusual way, she always seems to know how I am feeling about life and the world around me.
In addition to being someone who consistently shows up for me emotionally, I also have an immense amount of respect for how she operates in the world at large.
All of these friends of mine are super busy with their own lives. They know that the only reciprocation I can really do right now as a friend is to text them in between work, doctor’s appointments, and taking care of myself in every aspect. And, they love me and support me anyway. Additionally, these friends are emotionally safe people, and I place a high value on this trait in myself and others. As I have stated in previous blog posts, I believe that deep connections can only exist between emotionally safe people.
I am grateful for these beautiful people who are some of the best people I know. Having people in my life who truly get me and make me feel seen, understood, and valued is not something I take for granted.
(credit: @yung_pueblo on IG)
My friends are irreplaceable in general, but especially during what continues to be the most challenging time of my life to date. You know who you are, and I am grateful for you beyond measure. Thank you for loving me the way you do and for supporting me in the ways that feel supportive to me.
Brutal. Knowing that some people may never have the capacity to show up for me in the ways that I need, accepting them for who they are, and putting them in the appropriate place in my life.
Beautiful. Focusing on the people who do have the capacity to show up for me in the ways that I need, showing my appreciation for them, and doing what I can to show up for them emotionally given my current physical circumstances.
Just another day of . . . This Brutiful Life: The Brutal & Beautiful Moments of My Life.
This Brutiful Life 