I have frequently been told over the years by people who know me well that I am one of the most real and authentic people they know. They tell me that what I present on the outside is exactly who I am on the inside. They trust me because of my realness, and they value my authenticity. However, they have also indicated that my authenticity can be intimidating to people who are afraid to show up fully as themselves.
As a result of being uniquely authentic in today’s world, there are times when my life feels like the Where’s Waldo game. Where are all of the other authentic people? Where are the people who thrive on deep, honest conversations with others? Where are the people who say what they mean (in emotionally mature ways, of course) and also mean what they say? Where are the people who are willing to confront hard truths in order to have deep and meaningful connections? Where are the people who are doing the internal work to be emotionally healthy so that they don’t project their emotional pain onto others? Where are the people who post about real life instead of the fake portrayals of reality that are regularly documented on social media?
I have previously written about the fact that I feel Idiosyncratic (with my added definition for the word 🤣). I thrive on a healthy mix of solitude and deep connections. I love spending time in solitude, because solitude helps me know myself on a deeper level. At the same time, I also love experiencing deep connections with others. I have a huge preference for deep connections over superficial interactions. Trust me when I say that I can do small talk with the best of them, but I believe that life is better when it is lived in a deep and authentic way.
Unfortunately, I have found that most people don’t feel the same way. Quite a few people have told me that they are not comfortable being vulnerable with others. They have no real interest in going deeper in their relationships. As a whole, it seems like our country leans towards superficial interactions over deep connections. As someone who thrives on what others seem to find uncomfortable, I often wonder where I fit in here. Where are the people who, like me, thrive on deep connections?
Fortunately, there are a small handful of people in my life, including my husband, who are real, honest, open, and authentic, and I adore them. They make my heart feel seen and my nervous system feel calm. However, these handful of people and I are still the outliers.
Why is this the case? I have been curious about this topic for as long as I can remember, and here is what I have found to be true:
(credit: unknown)
Or, in other words . . .
If someone doesn’t know themselves deeply and/or is disconnected from themselves, then it is not possible for them to have deep and meaningful connections with others. And, knowing ourselves deeply is hard work that not everyone is able and/or willing to do.
Our amazing therapist has indicated that there are a lot of people who feel the way I do, and this is one of the many reasons why therapists are in high demand right now in our country. Apparently, other people are also noticing that there is a serious lack of depth in current social interactions, and therapy is one place where they feel like they can be deep and authentic.
At least twice a year, I ask our therapist where I can find all these people who are like me and thrive on deep connections. She claims that they are out there, and they are all asking the same question: Where are my people? After one such conversation with our therapist a few months ago, she sent me the image below and told me that it reminded her of me. [Side note: Before she sent the image to me that day, I saw it online as well and almost sent it to her to note the synchronicity of having the conversation and seeing the image on the same day. ❤️]
(credit: @the.holistic.psychologist)
As our country becomes increasingly individualistic, I worry that deep connections are going to continue to become the exception rather than the norm. But, I remain hopeful that I will eventually find more people like me who thrive on deep connections.
Brutal. The authenticity crisis in our country. Wondering where I fit in these days.
Beautiful. My realness. The people who make my heart feel seen and my nervous system feel calm. Doing the work to be as emotionally healthy as possible.
Just another day of . . . This Brutiful Life: The Brutal & Beautiful Moments of My Life.
This Brutiful Life 