Pivot

Every time I say the word “pivot” out loud, I think of the video clip below from the TV show Friends and giggle to myself:

Here is the latest update . . .

Physical Health:
I am happy to report that I was able to get the first of two IV iron infusions this week. The process was complicated by the fact that my local hospital was purchased by a bigger hospital network. Getting my doctor to get the orders and supporting documents to the correct department required a lot of work on my end. It was a four-week process involving many, many phone calls and a lot of coordination by me, but we are now on the right track.

We are currently in the process of pivoting for the rest of my health plan. There have been a lot of detours in the last few months, so we are gathering more information about possible next steps. We had an appointment today with another practitioner in my current doctor’s practice who brings a complementary area of expertise into the mix for me. My husband and I have a lot of information to sort through as we contemplate how to proceed. One thing we did decide today is that we are going to run more tests to get updated data. I completed these same tests in 2020 and 2021 with a previous doctor, but this current practitioner thinks an update would be beneficial. We won’t have the results for 8-12 weeks due to the timeline of completion and several other factors beyond our control. And, of course, these tests are not covered by insurance.

The rest of the pivoting that is needed is still being determined. We are currently giving ourselves time to process possible next steps.

Emotional Health:
As you can probably imagine, I am experiencing a wide range of feelings and emotions, and that is very normal and healthy for someone in my situation. I am definitely sad, because I am tired of not feeling well. And, we have no idea if this updated testing will help us on this journey. In addition, I am feeling overwhelmed by the amount of information that needs to be processed regularly on this journey and the number of decisions I need to make each day. At the same time, I am also proud of myself for how far I have come.

We have so much more information than we did a few years ago, and that is mostly due to my strength, courage, and resilience. I make it a point to stay curious and then to follow my gut, even when it is not the conventional or popular choice, and that is, without a doubt, why I am still alive.

I am also (mostly) a hopeful and optimistic person, and that hasn’t changed. Maybe that makes me a fool, but I don’t know how to be any other way.

As I have stated many times, while there are a lot of brutal moments on this health journey, there are also a lot of beautiful moments. After our appointment today, I made sure to give myself the time and space to move through my feelings. Sadness was the first feeling, and gratitude was a close second. As tears of sadness were streaming down my face, my husband hugged me and said without hesitation, “You are not alone. We will get through this together. We have each other, and that is all that matters.”

So, while I am proud of myself for how far I have come on this journey, I know that I would not be where I am today without my husband. The reason I have the courage to keep going is because he holds my hand and cheers me on the whole way.

My husband loves and supports me beyond measure, and there is no greater gift for someone in my situation.

Brutal. The need to pivot. Processing a lot of information at once. Feeling the full range of normal and healthy feelings.

Beautiful. The willingness to pivot when needed. Iron infusions. Feeling the full range of normal and healthy feelings. My strength, courage, resilience, curiosity, and commitment to following my gut. Being proud of how far I have come. Being a (mostly) hopeful and optimistic person. My amazing husband who holds my hand and cheers me on the whole way.

Just another day of . . . This Brutiful Life: The Brutal & Beautiful Moments of My Life.