When life is “life-ing”, and everything seems confusing and weird, I try to remind myself of the saying by Glennon Doyle that I have hanging in my home office:
Here is the latest update . . .
Physical Health:
I am currently in the process of slowly increasing the dosage of the 2nd prescription medication I previously discussed. This prescription is to help with MCAS/histamine reactions in my body. The problem with this prescription medication is that it can cause more nausea, digestive issues, and fatigue, so we have to go extra slow. This process was going well at first, but we have hit a few speed bumps. A few weeks ago, I was experiencing increased nausea and extreme fatigue, so I had to slow down even more. Since then, I have been dealing with issues with my menstrual cycle. Since my body is fighting hard, my body doesn’t know what to do with hormones. One month, some of my hormones will be low, and the next month, those hormones will be high. It makes it tricky to determine which symptoms are due to hormones and which symptoms are due to medication. And, I am only supposed to increase the dosage on the 2nd prescription medication when all others variables are constant. Ha! So, I haven’t been able to make much progress on increasing the dosage. My doctor keeps reminding me that I need to take it slow, but he also knows that taking it slow means that some of the other symptoms increase. We will need to determine soon if I will stick with this medication, try a different medication, or be forced to make a more difficult choice. I remain optimistic, but determining next steps is complicated to say the least.
It is also time for my next round of two IV iron infusions. The process has been complicated by the fact that my local hospital has been purchased by a bigger hospital network. Getting my doctor to get the orders and supporting documents to the correct department has required a lot of work on my end. It has been a three-week process so far involving many, many phone calls and a lot of coordination by me, and it could take a few more weeks yet. And, we are hoping that my insurance will still cover the infusions. Please pray for us and/or send us positive energy for this process to be smooth from this point forward. We could really use some ease in our life.
Emotional Health:
Our world needs a lot of good right now, and I know that I cannot take on the weight of it all. But, I do know that I can do my part.
And, in order to do all the good I can do, I need to continue to take good care of myself. So, I spent some time last week resting and recharging: hugging my husband, walking outside in the sun, checking in on my friends, making nourishing food, and letting my feelings move through me.
Then, I became curious about the world around me. What could I learn from myself and others in this moment? What I know for sure is that this moment requires me lean into the importance of seeking to understand as many perspectives as possible. I have been listening to a variety of podcast episodes and engaging in meaningful discussions. I am most definitely not the smartest person I know, but I have tried to take on some of the traits of the smartest people I know:
(credit: @mindsets)
I also know that I need to try to see the best in others and remember our shared humanity. And, the best way for me to currently do that is to know as much as I can about other people’s stories. I believe that the more we know about each other, the less polarized we will be.
On a different note, my husband and I had an amazing therapy session at the end of last week. There is a part of who I am and how I operate in the world that both our therapist and my husband tell me is a strength of mine, but I have a hard time seeing it for myself due to the trauma I have experienced around it. During our therapy session, my husband was able to articulate what he observes about me concerning this topic, and it was super helpful for me. It is a topic that he has struggled to understand himself at times, and now that he has a better understanding, he is able to provide our therapist and me with a clear vision of what he sees as the closest observer of my life. Our therapist knows us very well, but she does not live in our house and can’t observe me 24/7. However, my husband can speak on his observations, and then she can help using her expertise on the topic. He was able to explain it in a way that I could finally begin to understand. In fact, our therapist jokingly said, “I am not sure I was needed here today. You [my husband] did such a great job.”
To have my husband summarize his own learning on the topic, and then to have him verbalize his observations and provide examples of me excelling at it on a daily basis, was a life-changing experience for me. I was finally able to see my strengths in this area through both their eyes. I have worked hard on this part of my healing journey, and it feels good to celebrate this win.
Speaking of my husband, he went on a solo trip to a neighboring state a few weeks ago to do some mountain biking and trail running:
I am so glad that he is trying to take good care of himself, too.
Brutal. Complicated choices on my health journey. Complicated dynamics in our country and world.
Beautiful. Listening to my body. Utilizing my support system. Staying curious. Doing the next right thing. A life-changing experience in our most recent therapy session.
Just another day of . . . This Brutiful Life: The Brutal & Beautiful Moments of My Life.
This Brutiful Life 