I am feeling the effects of living in a society that is becoming increasingly dichotomous — good vs. bad, in-group vs. out-group, real medicine vs. fake medicine, etc. My husband and I get a lot of judgment sent our way from people who are not in our situation, so this topic has been on my mind once again. I recently had a couple of surprising conversations with a close family member. The conversations were so surprising that it has taken me a few weeks to process them. In summary, this family member insinuated that I am not actually in the middle of a serious health crisis that could result in death. His words also made it seem like he does not approve of the route we are taking to address my health situation (as if there are a lot of other options). He also not-so-subtly inquired about my mental health. This approach is sometimes used by others as a way to imply that my mental health is to blame for my physical symptoms instead of pathogens and/or environmental toxins. To be clear, my mental health is stable (at least for now). I am having normal and healthy reactions to a very abnormal health situation. It was clear that this person has either not been paying attention or doesn’t have any idea what we experience on a daily basis.
Sadly, I am used to these types of interactions, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t hurtful. I know that this family member loves me very much and did not intend to hurt me, but the impact is still the same. I also understand that most people in our society are doing whatever they can to regulate their own nervous systems, even if that means downplaying situations and/or being critical of others. I have heard this same scenario from a variety of different people in a variety of different situations, so I know it is not just happening to us. However, it would be great if people could just be kind and supportive. I have made it very clear that my husband and I have no idea what we are doing, and that we are just doing the best that we can.
As a whole, I think our society could try harder to live more in the gray area instead of making things black and white. One benefit of my health situation is that it regularly reminds me to live more in the gray. When I am being judged or criticized by others, it reminds me to do some self-reflection and examine when I am being judgmental of others. We are all judgmental at times, even if we think we aren’t.
I have learned on many occasions over the years that seemingly opposing things can be equally true, and I try to remember this concept as much as possible. Below are some examples of things I regularly remind myself of on this journey. (And, I have a co-worker who is going through a really tough time right now and could use these reminders, too.)
As much as I would like our society to become less dichotomous and live more in the gray, I know that I will continue to be faced with judgment from others for the way we live our life and for the choices we make on this health journey. The only thing that I can do is continue to follow my gut. If my gut says that we need to make a change, then we will. If not, then we will keep on keeping on. I try to always do what feels right in my soul.
I also try to ignore outside noise, because I cannot make everybody happy.
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What I know for sure is that the most powerful way to be a healing force in someone else’s life is to listen without judging.
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I recently listened to a podcast episode with Adam Grant that included the topic of dichotomous thinking, which is especially common during election years, and he referenced the Heineken commercial below from a few years ago. I had forgotten about this commercial, but I remember how much I loved it the first time I saw it:
What if we all actively chose to live with more love and kindness and less judgment? What if we actually listened to each other instead of condemning those who are different than us? What kind of world would it be?
Brutal. Black and white thinking.
Beautiful. My willingness to self-reflect and learn from my experiences. Attempting to live my life more in the gray. Steering by the compass of my soul. Tacos!!!
Just another day of . . . This Brutiful Life: The Brutal & Beautiful Moments of My Life.
This Brutiful Life 