I often get asked how I keep moving forward. Well, the answer is multifaceted. I love my life (minus the complex chronic illness, of course 🤣). I love my husband. I love our life together. Right now, I am using a combination of hope, grace, and courage to keep moving forward.
Recently, Kate Bowler asked this question on IG:
In answering her question, I think that I live HERE, in the life I didn’t choose, with a little more grace and courage by making sure hope is in the mix as well. I have been thinking a lot about hope lately. How do I define hope? Do I still have hope? How do I remain hopeful?
Sharon McMahon recently wrote about hope in her daily newsletter called The Preamble. She described Abraham Lincoln’s tough childhood and how he lived with what would now likely be considered severe depression. Yet, he still had hope:
(credit: Sharon McMahon)
Hope is a choice that requires courage. It takes courage to continuously remain hopeful for a better tomorrow given the many hardships I have faced. I believe in myself, even when life is extremely challenging. When the shit hits the fan, I trust myself to handle it in a healthy way and to utilize my support system in the process. I trust that I will be able to put the pieces back together in a new way.
Are there days when I struggle with hope? Hell, yes. Will I be able to choose hope every second of every day? Hell, no. But, for now, I am able to choose hope a majority of the time. I regularly practice making that choice. I make the conscious effort to choose hope over and over again in order to build that feeling of hopefulness. Currently, I am choosing to hope that the decisions I am making each day are putting me on the path to optimal healing. I am choosing to hope that what I am doing matters, even when I can’t see the end result.
(credit: Sharon McMahon)
I realized a long time ago that I am playing the long game with the health situation. I wish that there were instant results, but no part of this plan involves instant results. I choose to believe that what I am doing today will help me at some point in the future.
I am also aware that there may come a time when moving forward no longer makes sense. There may be a day when I make the decision to stop all treatment protocols. And, if that day comes, I will be choosing hope, grace, and courage then as well. The combination of hope, grace, and courage looks different depending on the day and the specific situation.
In this moment, though, the combination of hope, grace, and courage looks like making the choice to keep moving forward. I am not passively waiting. I am actively participating in the unfolding of a (hopefully) healthier future that I help to create.
Brutal. Living a life I didn’t choose. The many hardships I have faced. Not everything going as planned.
Beautiful. Living the life I didn’t choose. Using the combination of hope, grace, and courage to keep moving forward. Actively participating in the unfolding of a (hopefully) healthier future that I help to create.
Just another day of . . . This Brutiful Life: The Brutal & Beautiful Moments of My Life.
This Brutiful Life 