Did you pass the test on Monday? Just kidding. You were not being tested. With that being said, thank you to those of you who reached out to me on Monday to let me know that my Test post wasn’t working. That Test post was meant to be a test for me personally, but it accidentally became a test for my family and friends. Whoopsies! 🤣 Thank you for your patience. As a side note, I did receive more responses to this fake Test post than I usually do with any of my real posts, so that was interesting.
Anyway . . . I have had a few people ask me if I am going to keep the blog going, and as I stated a while back in Good Enough, I am going to keep writing until I decide not to keep writing. That is the only plan I have for now. I updated the My Why page in April 2024 since my original purpose didn’t seem to be coming to fruition:
April 2024:
Update: I still hope that sharing my story in the messy middle is helping others feel less alone. In addition, I continue to hope that being more authentic, vulnerable, open, and honest will bring about more authentic connections with others.
Even though neither of those may be happening, I will continue (for now) sharing my story in the messy middle so that I don’t have to repeat myself to my family, friends, our therapist, and some of my medical practitioners. Repeating myself is a waste of my time and drains my energy. I would much rather skip the basic conversations about what is happening and move on to deeper conversations with the people in my life. The deep stuff is what makes life worth living. ❤️
(Plus, I have a feeling this blog is helping people more than they realize and/or are able to put into words. Just a hunch. 🙂)
I recently wrote about Kate Bowler, Ph.D. in my Everything Happens post. She posted a video clip today of her perspective on how painful it is for someone with a chronic illness to repeatedly update other people, and what she appreciates from others instead:
I don’t feel the exact same way as Kate, because I don’t feel like I have to keep sharing in order for people to continue caring. (Frankly, the opposite has been true for us. The more I share, the less people show us that they care.) However, the majority of what Kate shared in the video clip accurately represents how I feel. The main benefit of continuing the blog at this point is that it gives the people in my life a way to keep tabs on me without forcing me to pay the cost in terms of time, energy, and emotional health. I don’t have to relive it all again and again for every person, and we can move on to other topics. This is why I have written in several of my previous blog posts that it means a lot to us if you read the blog before connecting with us. Even when the questions are well-intentioned, it is such a relief when we don’t have to repeat it all. I don’t mind providing further explanation if needed, but let’s get the basics out of the way ahead of connecting with each other.
There are multiple downsides to continuing the blog. For example, many people still feel the need to give me advice about what they think I should be doing concerning my health situation or what they would do better or differently. Also, some people read the blog and choose to pull away from us instead of trying to connect with us further. Some erroneously believe that the blog provides them with everything they need to know about us while others simply disagree with us on certain topics and choose to distance themselves from us. And, then there are some people who find it to be too painful to read about and participate in our life, which then makes it difficult for them to maintain a connection with us. Even so, the benefits of not having to repeat ourselves outweigh the drawbacks of the blog at this point, so that is why I am still writing.
This is a long way of saying that my plan is to keep writing for now if for no other reason than to protect my time, energy, and emotional health . . . just in case you all were sitting on the edge of your seats or something. 🤣
Brutal. Having to frequently pay the cost for reliving it all again and again. People who think they know more about my health situation than I do and give me advice about what I should be doing instead. People who read the blog and choose to pull away from us instead of trying to connect with us further.
Beautiful. The relief we feel when someone has read the blog and doesn’t need us to repeat the basics. Protecting my time, energy, and emotional health. The people who care even when they don’t know how to show us that they care. The people who keep showing up to support us. Continuing to write until I decide not to continue to write.
Just another day of . . . This Brutiful Life: The Brutal & Beautiful Moments of My Life.
This Brutiful Life 