I am someone who frequently thinks about my purpose. For the last few weeks, I have been spending a considerable amount of time wrestling with the purpose of continuing this blog. My initial purpose for starting this blog was to help others feel less alone. I truly believed in sharing the messy middle of my life in order to help others feel less alone in their messy middles. Adam Grant states it best, “Sharing your experiences is an act of service. When people see themselves in your story, they feel less alone.” In addition, sharing my story and being more open, honest, authentic, and vulnerable had the potential to cultivate more authentic connections in my own life.
Based on what has unfolded over the last 14 months in relation to this blog and my life, it doesn’t seem like either my initial purpose or the additional potential purpose are coming to fruition. I know that my purpose can change along the way, but do I want it to change? And, is the initial purpose coming to fruition even if it is not being communicated to me? Are others feeling less alone even though their actions indicate otherwise? And, as I have stated, the blog has yet to cultivate more authentic connections in my own life, but is that still to come?
I know there are some people who think that I am writing this blog for me — that it is a healing experience for me. In fact, I have heard that numerous times, but it is actually not true for me. Surprising even my therapist at first, I am not someone who processes the events of my life by writing about them. Journaling is not one of the strategies I use for processing. I only write about the events of my life after I have already processed them in other ways. For me, sharing the messy middle is an act of service. If I was thinking only about myself, I definitely would not be publicly sharing my story during the messy middle.
The questions I have been trying to answer for myself are: Is it worth it at this point to keep going? Is the blog serving others in any way? Do I just keep going without knowing if the blog is fulfilling its intended purpose? Is it like teaching in that it may not be helping anyone in this moment, but it may help someone at some point in the future? Do I keep going on faith alone? Do I keep writing until I have clarity?
Even after spending extra time processing and reflecting on this topic, I still don’t have the answers to any of these questions. I have decided that what I will do for now is to keep going until I have more clarity. I can also broaden my purpose for the blog. Maybe it is not currently helping others feel less alone, but maybe it is helping others broaden their perspectives. Maybe it is not currently cultivating more authentic connections in my own life, but maybe it is cultivating connections in the lives of others in some way. Maybe that is good enough until the answers I am seeking become clearer to me.
On another note, I want to take a moment to thank those of you who have responded kindly to the Do I Matter? blog post. Out of 47 views of that post, I received a total of 9 responses. Out of those 9 responses, I received 7 kind, supportive, and/or loving responses. The best response I received (excluding the one from our amazing therapist) was simple and to the point:
And, that person, and a few others, have already put actions behind their words. Thank you! I love you! ❤️
Brutal. Trying to figure out where this blog goes from here.
Beautiful. Knowing who I am at my core. Asking the big questions. Having the courage to continue to try until I have more clarity.
Just another day of . . . This Brutiful Life: The Brutal & Beautiful Moments of My Life.
This Brutiful Life 