This Brutiful Life

As a reminder, we will be circling back around to Bacteria/parasites, but we have moved on to mold toxicity for now. My doctor usually prescribes a couple of protocols to treat mold toxicity, but since I am a “special” case, he is only having me add in one treatment protocol at a time. He doesn’t think my body can handle more than 1 at a time for now. I started at 5% of the full dosage and am currently at the 10% dosage mark. I tried to increase again, but my body told me that I needed to slow down (headache, increased fatigue, mild nausea, mild face rash). With each new treatment protocol, it takes time to figure out what my body will accept and how quickly it will accept it. So, I will take some days off from treatment and then try the 10% dosage mark again. The current goal for this protocol is to work my way up to 50% of the full dosage, and then decrease days between treatment days (similar to how we completed the initial Lyme protocol). If my body allows me to go above the 50% dosage mark, then I can certainly do that. But, he is not sure if my body will even allow the 50% dosage, so we are going to be flexible as always. I am attempting to slowly work my way up and complete 28 treatment days of at least 50% of the full dosage with 0 or 1 days between treatment days. This will take at least 3 months.

I was also able to get my iron levels in my blood checked last week. My levels (we check a few different blood markers) are lower than preferred, but I get to wait 1-2 months before I check again. Yay! Since I prefer to get my blood drawn at a different lab than the one connected to my conventional doctor’s office, I upload my results to my patient portal for my conventional doctor after each iron blood test. She thanked me for the update and had her office email me blood draw orders for my next test in 1-2 months.

My blood test results also indicated a need to ask my main doctor (functional medicine chiropractor) if he wanted me to change our tentative plan in any way. There was a specific result that we have discussed in the past that may cause a change in the plan, but I no longer have direct messaging access to him between appointments. So, I did what I was directed to do if something like this happened. I typed a question into my patient portal for his front desk person to ask him. The front desk person told me that she would get back to me with his answer, but it has been 6 days with no answer. I contacted the front desk again this morning, so we will see what they say. [Side Note: If you know me at all, you know that this timeframe for a reply will be addressed. I am currently collecting data. 🤣]  Until I know more, I am continuing with the mold toxicity treatment protocol plan.

Emotional Health:
This has been a tough emotional week, AND I have learned a lot about myself and my healing. There is a very popular, reputable, credentialed psychologist who frequently posts on social media. I generally love her content. However, some of her recent posts could be damaging to certain populations and have reminded me of a couple of things:

1) Not all information presented from reputable, credentialed sources applies to everyone. When an expert in a particular field creates a social media post, they generally need to hit a wide audience. Their content may apply to a large quantity of people, but they don’t know my specific story or my particular journey. So, even if the information is factual and/or applies to a wide range of people, it still may not apply to me. I have to continue to know my truth and listen to my medical team and my amazing therapist who all do know my story and my journey.

2) Even reputable, credentialed sources make mistakes. In my opinion, it is irresponsible for a reputable, credentialed source to create social media posts about topics that are as complex as chronic illness. There is a large population of women with chronic illnesses who have been told that it is due to unresolved emotional trauma, it is all in their head, and/or it is their fault that they are sick. Experts need to be very intentional with the wording in their social media posts. Also, many women are not believed when they try to seek medical assistance, so furthering the messaging that the patient is to blame in some way can be dangerous and is irresponsible at best.

I agree that there are a lot of emotional and mental health factors that go into chronic illness, and I agree that many of those factors need to be acknowledged and addressed. However, there are also people in this world who have previously acknowledged and addressed those factors, and those people are still dealing with chronic illnesses.  There are a variety of root causes for chronic illnesses and stating, implying, or suggesting otherwise is a mistake.

I have seen posts with this type of messaging from a couple of different sources this week, and it has been difficult at times. However, I have come a long way in my journey of healing from medical gaslighting. The fact that I can see these posts for what they are instead of internalizing them shows how hard I have worked to heal from the common, misguided messages directed at people who are living alongside chronic illness. I know who I am and the work I have done. And, if I forget for a second, I have a wonderful support system in place. That is all I really need.

For me, healing frequently feels like climbing stairs, stumbling, falling down, and then climbing again. Our amazing therapist sent me the video below about 6 weeks ago, and it is a wonderful visual representation of what my healing journey feels like. (Make sure your sound is on.)

Brutal. The patience required when starting a new treatment protocol. Irresponsible social media posts by popular, reputable, credentialed sources. Stumbling or falling down while climbing the staircase.

Beautiful. Knowing exactly who I am and the work I have done. My wonderful husband. My knowledgeable and supportive therapist. Continuing to climb the staircase.


Just another day of . . . This Brutiful Life: The Brutal & Beautiful Moments of My Life.