This Brutiful Life

The following words were written by the best husband in the world:

Nearly a year has passed since my last post, and we are still on the chronic illness train.  We are still taking one day at a time and continuing to try to find joy in the little things.  The opportunities for growth as we live alongside an invisible, complex chronic illness are still abundant, and I’m taking every opportunity (even if a little slower than preferred 😉) to learn more about myself and our relationship.

This brings me to the topic of this post: What does it mean to be a better person through self-growth?  When my wife and I first met, I knew there was something special there.  And, in the first week of being a couple, I knew she was my person.  I had never had an emotional, mental, and physical connection with another person like I did with her.  I knew then that I wanted to marry her, because she made me want to be a better person.  I wanted to be the best version of myself for her; she deserved the best.  In the nearly 25 years of us being a couple, that feeling has never changed.  Striving to be my best has been hard at times, because I don’t always see the parts of myself that creep to the surface and need improvement.  We all have blind spots.  However, the desire to be my best self for her has been there every day.  That is how I know she is my person.

One thing I have learned on this journey is that being a better person through self-growth doesn’t mean that I change who I am at my core.  My core remains the same.  The process of self-growth involves healing from the trauma I have experienced in my life that has shaped me.  We all have trauma from our past, and doing this deeply personal work can sometimes cause feelings of not being good enough.  It takes a good dose of humility to be willing to admit that you are not perfect and need to do some work, and that can be hard for a lot of people.  Adam Grant recently stated:

Self-growth is a lifelong pursuit.  The goal is the path, and the path is the goal.  I just keep putting one foot in front of the other every day.  There is no end, but it does get easier as I become more self-aware.  Even when it is difficult to see the change that is happening in me, as long as I remain open and willing to grow, I know that I am on the right path.  And that is really all that matters on the lifelong journey of self-growth: Acknowledging my areas for growth and then continuing to put one foot in front of the other.  Nobody is perfect, and we all have those rough edges that can be buffed from time to time.  It’s okay, it’s all good.

In the year since my last post, there are times that I have continued to stumble on some of the same traumas I have stumbled on in the past.  For example, being a caregiver for someone who is living alongside a chronic illness reminds me regularly that I am excellent at doing, but I am not always excellent at feeling. Watching my wife deal with excruciating pain, without being able to help alleviate it, is painful beyond measure.  Therefore, there are times when I want to avoid feelings completely, and that is not a healthy way to live.  This response to painful feelings is related to events from my childhood, and I am working hard every day to become healthier in this area.

I’ve also stagnated in my growth from time to time.  That’s okay.  That is part of the path.  I need to be easy on myself during this process.  Growth is not linear; there are peaks and valleys along the way.  What I do know is that today, and every day after, I want to continue to strive to be a better person.  I want to be the very best version of myself for my wife, my friends and family, and for myself.  This I am steadfast in knowing.  I will strive every day to be that better person, and I look forward to the challenge.  I’m not intimidated.  If anything, I finally feel free to admit that I’m not perfect and never will be. And, I am truly okay with that.  In fact, being imperfect has to be acknowledged before being a better person through self-growth can ever occur.  The goal is to open the door for yourself to walk out into the world as imperfect with the intent of doing better when you know better.  Don’t be afraid of self-growth.  As you progress on the journey, you will see that you are still the same person — just a better version of you.  I have found that I have become more open, caring, and loving.

I am grateful to have my wife on this self-growth journey with me.  She is an amazing, imperfect person herself, and she has been the wise and caring soul I have needed in order to grow.  She has a deep level of wisdom in these areas, and I am grateful every day to have someone like her by my side as I continue to grow into the best version of myself.  


Brutal. The work required for self-growth.

Beautiful. Having a soulmate who inspires me to want to be a better person every day.  Becoming who I was always meant to be.


Just another day of . . . This Brutiful Life:  The Brutal & Beautiful Moments of My Life.