Cocooning

I have been cocooning for the last week. When the world outside feels harsher than usual, I try to combat the harshness by doubling down on self-compassion, getting cozy in my comfy clothes, and cocooning. I spend some time retreating into myself and into the safety of my husband when it feels like life is coming at us fast.

I had someone ask me last week how the home environment situation is going. Well, I wish I knew. I can’t even begin tell you how frustrating the mold situation is for us. The number of paths we could take, the amount of information coming at us, the too-many-to-count unknowns, all make for an overwhelming situation. We have had a variety of experts and a variety of opinions, but no real concrete answers. Basically, we could do nothing, or we could do more testing. It is still possible that the testing we have done produced incorrect results. And, it is also very possible that the mold toxicity in my body is solely from previous mold exposure instead of both current and previous exposure.

The healthiest way to tackle this challenge is to continue to take it one day at a time. As I have said many times, since there is not an obvious source of mold in our home, and our home environment is safe for most people, there are not clear answers or “right” decisions. As a reminder, not having a clear path forward regarding the home environment is extra difficult for us because of Lyme and Epstein-Barr Virus (EBV). Click on images to make them bigger:

(See my previous posts Let’s Talk About Lyme, Let’s Talk About Mold, and Let’s Talk About MCAS for more info.)

This entire scenario would be so much easier if there was an obvious path forward for someone like me. Instead, we have to wait forever to gather information from a variety of experts (who also have lives of their own), and then make educated guesses about how to proceed. There is nothing my husband and I want more than for me to feel better and heal, and we know that will only happen if we keep at it until we have more information and solid results. And, even then, it is a crapshoot for someone in my situation.

As part of my cocooning, I have been even more deliberate in my actions over the last week in order to slow down and regulate my nervous system.

I am grateful that I have a husband who understands that there are times when I need to cocoon. I told him that I needed to retreat into myself and into his safety in order to rest, recharge, strengthen my perspective, and rely on him for some emotional support, and he said, “Oh, so you’re cocooning. Got it.”

Yes, yes, I am. ❤️

Brutal. Getting hit by airplanes.

Beautiful. Cocooning. Resting. Recharging. Strengthening my perspective. Interdependence and emotional safety with my husband.

Just another day of . . . This Brutiful Life: The Brutal & Beautiful Moments of My Life.