When I was in my mid-twenties and resigned from my teaching job for the first time due to my health situation, one of my work friends couldn’t believe that my husband was supportive of me resigning from my job. She then told me that my husband was Husband of the Year, and my husband and I have laughed about it ever since. (Sometimes, after a normal marital disagreement 20+ years later, my husband will remind me that he is the Husband of the Year for over 2 decades now, and then we will laugh.)
When my work friend originally said it that day so many years ago, my husband could not believe that one of my colleagues would be shocked by his support of me and my health. He was confused about why anyone wouldn’t be supportive of their spouse in my situation. I told him at the time that it was rare for one spouse to be fully supportive of the other spouse when the financial stakes were so high. We were young, barely had a nickel to our name, and we were not sure how we were going to pay for my upcoming medical expenses (sound familiar?). My husband and I had been best friends from the instant we met, so I was not surprised by his support. However, I knew it was rare, and I have never taken him, or his support, for granted.
Fast forward 20+ years later, and we are still dealing with many of the same concerns, and not once has my husband left my side or made me feel like I am not worth the money we have to spend to keep me alive. (There have been a few times when I thought he would be better off divorcing me for a better life, but he keeps refusing. 🤣) Quite honestly, his love and support — that goes way beyond finances — has been what has kept me alive. When my health situation feels heavy, I keep going because of the dreams we have for our life together. I am determined to see some of those dreams come true, or at least I will die trying.
One of the most difficult aspects of this health journey for me is the stress I know it puts on my husband. Not only do I have what amounts to 3 full-time jobs, so does he. He has his actual job, his caregiving job, and his “taking care of most things around the house” job. He is so busy trying to keep us afloat, and it pains me to see what the stress is doing to him. The worry and stress he feels about losing the person he loves at such an early age takes its toll physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t worry about the impact that this is having on him. The helplessness that my husband feels on a daily basis is called empathic distress. I know he feels helpless, and his feelings are valid. However, the truth of the matter is that his support is why I am still alive.
Even though the words seem inadequate, I tell him every chance I get how grateful I am for him, and it makes him uncomfortable. (In fact, he will be very uncomfortable with this post, but he will support me in posting it anyway.) His response when I tell him how much he means to me is to downplay his role. But, he doesn’t get it. The love and support that I receive from him is the foundation that gives me the courage and determination to keep going. When I think back to how we met at such a young age and about how solid we were in our friendship, love, and respect for each other from the very beginning, I feel like the Universe was giving me a gift. The Universe knew that this was going to be a long, hard, and lonely journey, and that I would need someone to travel this road with me.
We are far from the perfect couple, but there is not a day that goes by that I am not grateful for him and his love!
Brutal. The long, hard, and lonely health journey.
Beautiful. Having the Husband of the Year (x 20+ years) by my side.
Just another day of . . . This Brutiful Life: The Brutal & Beautiful Moments of My Life.
This Brutiful Life 