I used to think that emotional regulation meant being emotionally steady at all times — like a straight line. I have since come to understand that having all different types of emotions and feelings, and allowing myself to move through them as they come, is healthy and important. Humans are meant to have a range of feelings and emotions. I don’t want to stay up forever or down forever (or go too high or too low), but ups and downs are a normal part of living a healthy life. My therapist always says that if I were reacting to the events of my life in a straight line, then she would be very concerned.
As is probably easy to imagine, I have gone through a variety of emotions over the last few days. I have been working really hard to feel all of the feelings. I don’t want to stuff anything down. I have been feeling sad, angry, scared, happy, grateful, content, frustrated, proud, and exhausted. How beautiful it is that I can name the feelings and allow myself the time and space to feel them.
As we navigate what is in front of us, what I am feeling the most is gratitude. When I think about how much more we know now than we did a year ago, I am grateful. When I think about my “I don’t know how, but imma get it done” attitude, I am grateful. When I think about all of the lessons I have learned along the way that are helping me in this present moment, I am grateful (and also simultaneously ready for a break in the lessons, Dear Universe 🤣). When I think about my level of resilience, I am grateful. And, last but not least, when I think about the love and support I feel from my husband, I am grateful. [Side note: While I am on this topic, I think that because my husband and I are operating really well as a team right now, other family members and friends give themselves a pass to fade away in their support. I get it. It is hard to watch the suffering of the people you love, but please don’t fade away. We need love and support from as many people as possible right now.]
As I have mentioned previously, it is strange to feel grateful at the same time that I am feeling sadness, anger, fear, frustration, and exhaustion, but here we are.
Brutal. Feeling ALL the feelings.
Beautiful. Feeling ALL the feelings and (mostly) landing on gratitude.
Just another day of . . . This Brutiful Life: The Brutal & Beautiful Moments of My Life.
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This Brutiful Life 