This Brutiful Life

I am running out of creative titles for my life update posts. I am drawing a complete blank.

Well, anyway, here is the latest update:

Home Environment:
We completed our second “post-remediation” mold test this week. This time, it wasn’t completed by professionals (which usually requires air samples from around the house). My doctor wanted us to complete the same original at-home dust test we did ourselves in March to see what has changed. There are pros and cons to each type of testing (air testing and dust testing), and my doctor wants to check both types. Basically, this at-home test requires us to let our house get dusty for six weeks, collect a large quantity of that dust using a pre-paid test kit, and then send in the collection to the testing company. This part of the process is baffling for many reasons. First of all, we didn’t have that many mold spores to begin with, so why do we need to test again? Also, mold grows on dust, so it is important for people with mold issues to keep their homes as dust-free as possible. So, we just paid an exorbitant amount of money for the mold remediation company to come in and remove as many mold spores and/or as much dust as possible, and now we are going to let our house get dusty on purpose in order to complete the at-home test?!? Okey dokey.

We completed the test, but we aren’t sure whether or not there was a sufficient amount of dust in our house to complete the test. We shall see how the company responds. We may have to wait a few months and do it again (and also pay for it again).

Physical Health:
We had an appointment with my main doctor (functional medicine chiropractor) this week. He started the appointment by being 15 minutes late. When he arrived to the virtual appointment, he said, “I am sorry. I was working with a patient who is the exact opposite of you. Her nervous system is so dysregulated that she is having trouble even taking her first supplement.” He has told me before that his patients either have trouble getting started or want to keep going even when they need to slow down. In case I have not made it clear by now, I fall into the category of wanting to keep moving forward even when I need to slow down. I am so eager to feel better. I have really been working on slowing down and listening to my body.

After that, we discussed where my body is currently at and what the next steps should be. We are having to really move slow and be extra deliberate about each step. We did laugh at the fact that we made a plan, but that my body may have a different plan in mind. He is starting to see why my situation is even more complicated than he originally thought. When he thinks my body is going to react one way, it reacts in the complete opposite way. He did say that I am not his only patient with this unique “gift”, but it does pose a challenge. He has quite a few patients who have had similar pathogens and toxins as me, but he has only had a couple of patients whose bodies respond in such an unpredictable manner. I have been informed of my “special-ness” by many medical professionals, but the difference so far with this doctor is that he still seems committed to the process. Previous doctors have jumped ship by this point in the process due to me being a “special” case, but I am hopeful that he will continue to show a commitment to this process regardless of how challenging it continues to be.

I also had my regular blood test last week to check my iron levels. It showed that it is time for more IV iron infusions. I uploaded my lab results (from an independent lab) to my patient portal for my conventional doctor (who created the lab orders) on Monday of this week in order for her to put in orders for the IV iron infusions. I did not receive a reply to my message on Monday or Tuesday, so I tried again on Wednesday. Once again, I did not receive a reply to my message, so I called the front desk on Thursday (yesterday). The front desk person looked at my chart and said that I was correct. I hadn’t yet received a reply, and she would let the nurse know to make replying to my message a priority.

Well, today, I received a call from the nurse who said that my conventional doctor replied to my message on Tuesday, and the nurse very impatiently told me that I needed to make an appointment with the doctor before the doctor can order my infusions. I was very confused since I never received the reply message from the doctor on Tuesday, and I was frustrated with the nurse’s attitude (especially since she has displayed this attitude on multiple occasions). I asked why I needed to make an appointment since this doctor knows my history, and she said that it was just the rule and it could be a virtual appointment. Okay. Fine. But, this just delays when I can get the infusions.

Throughout the conversation, the nurse struggled to communicate in a professional manner. She repeatedly stated that I received a reply message on Tuesday from the doctor, and I just needed to follow the doctor’s instructions. Whoa now. Anyone who knows me at all knows that I am very organized and detail-oriented. I told her that I had not received any replies to my original message. She then accused me of calling her a liar. Huh? Why would that be her first response instead of trying to figure out why I hadn’t received the message? I have had quite a lot of weird interactions with medical professionals over the years, but this was quickly becoming one of the weirdest interactions I have had in a while. I asked her why she had such an angry demeanor and if this is how she treats all of her patients. I let her know how her attitude was coming across and provided her with a specific example of how the situation could have been handled in a kinder and more professional manner. She immediately realized the error in her “style” of communication and became much more pleasant. She then used the wording and communication strategy I provided her to apologize for the situation. She must have had a really bad day.

After the call ended, I took a screenshot of my patient portal inbox and sent it to her so she could see that I had not, in fact, received any replies to my original message, and that they must be having technical difficulties with their patient portal system. 🤦‍♀️

Um, what the fuck?!? Why am I the person who has to teach the nurse how to be a professional and communicate in a respectful manner? This isn’t the first time this type of interaction has occurred with this nurse, so I will certainly be discussing this situation with my conventional doctor during my virtual appointment next week.

[Side note: My husband could hear this conversation from the next room, and he was dumbfounded by the nurse’s attitude and behavior. We had a good laugh about how it was definitely not in her best interest to behave like that around me. He knows I will give her some grace and assume that she is, once again, just having a bad day, but I will also provide her with a quick lesson about kindness, communication, and respect. Once a teacher, always a teacher. 🤣]

Emotional Health:
Therapy has been going really well as usual. My husband and I have been growing both individually and as a couple. I am forever grateful for our therapist who specializes in chronic illness and trauma. She is such an amazing part of my medical team. She told us today that we inspire her both individually and as a couple. Wow! To get that kind of feedback from someone who knows all of the intimate details of the path we have traveled, and the trauma we have experienced on this medical journey, is so affirming. Even without her verbal feedback and praise, I know that we have been putting in the work to make sure we are as emotionally healthy as possible. However, it is always nice to know when a well-respected professional is inspired by the work we have done and are continuing to do. This health journey has been difficult in so many ways, but one of the many bright spots in all of it has been finding her. What a gift she is to us and to all of her clients.

And, what a gift my husband is for honoring our shared commitment to do the work to be the best version of ourselves in order to bring the best version of ourselves to our relationship. There is not a day that goes by that I am not grateful for him and our relationship.


Brutal. Mold tests after mold tests after mold tests. Always being a “special” case. Terrible communication and customer service skills by some medical professionals.

Beautiful. My main doctor showing signs of remaining committed to the process. Using the terrible conversation with the nurse as a teachable moment for her. Our amazing therapist. My wonderful husband.


Just another day of . . . This Brutiful Life: The Brutal & Beautiful Moments of My Life.

(image #1 credit: unknown; image #2 credit: on image. Click on images to make them bigger.)