Gratitude and grief are interesting. Gratitude is a constant in my life, but grief sneaks up on me when I least expect it.
As the title of this blog suggests, life is simultaneously brutal and beautiful, but it still catches me off guard some days. It can feel weird to be both grateful and grieving at the same time. I am grateful to be alive. I am grateful for my husband. I am grateful for the supportive people in my life. The gratitude list goes on and on.
Then, someone might say something that triggers grief. The wondering about how life would have looked under different circumstances. The missed connections. The missed time with loved ones.
I know this is normal for someone in my situation, and I am not alone.
This summer, I was looking forward to connecting with people again in a safe way. I was planning to go on walks outside, sit on the porch/driveway, and spend time connecting with family and friends in a way that was meaningful and safe. This was until my oral surgery situation changed my plans. I am sad and frustrated and wish my original plans were happening. I know that I will be able to accomplish these plans at some point, but the plans have been delayed (which is very common in my world).
Earlier today, my husband brought up a different topic that we both knew was coming in the future, and we were prepared for it. Yet, grief unexpectedly came to the surface for both of us. It was a wonderful conversation with love, tears, and understanding. The fact that we can both bring up these difficult topics and lean on each other is such a gift that I don’t take for granted.
This conversation was a gentle reminder for me to continue to allow for both the grief and the gratitude . . . the Brutal and the Beautiful. Feelings are rarely this feeling OR that feeling. Feelings are usually this feeling AND that feeling at the same time. And, the only way to heal is to feel each feeling and then release it.
Brutal. A multitude of feelings.
Beautiful. A multitude of feelings. Open and honest conversations with my husband about our gratitude and our grief.
Just another day of . . . This Brutiful Life: The Brutal & Beautiful Moments of My Life.
(image credit: unknown)
This Brutiful Life 