This week has been very difficult for our family. My maternal grandmother passed away, and we are all trying to move through our emotions. She was a consistent presence in my life, and her consistent presence made me feel less alone in my health struggles over the last 20+ years. Losing this feeling of safety and security is difficult to describe to others who are not in my situation. She wanted nothing more than for me to be healthy and well, and because of this, I believe that she gave me the gift of support even in her passing.
As I have mentioned, chronic illness often causes people to feel isolated and alone. However, my maternal grandmother made it her mission for her grandchildren to feel like they always had someone in their corner. She loved her people fiercely and was a force in each of our lives. I knew that when she passed away, I would feel like I was on shaky ground until I could get my bearings straight. I was as prepared as I could possibly be, but it doesn’t take away from the feelings of it all when it actually happens.
Her funeral was on Wednesday, and my husband and I were able to safely attend by wearing masks and sitting in the very back. As we were waiting for the funeral to begin, I noticed one of my dad’s sisters walk in. Then, I noticed my 93-year-old paternal grandmother, my dad’s other sister, and a cousin walk in. I immediately jumped up and ran to hug my grandmother, and she whispered in my ear, “We came for you. We are going to sit in the back with you.” They didn’t want me to feel alone.
Then, during the funeral, my cousin’s husband was reading memories from the grandchildren. My memory was about how my grandmother wanted nothing more than for me to be healthy and well, and that she was one of my biggest supporters on my health journey. As he read my memory to the attendees, the lights above my grandmother’s casket flickered. It was as if she was saying, “I am still here. You are not alone.”
The next day (Thursday), my family and I had a final family gathering at my maternal grandmother’s house. My husband and I felt like we would be able to safely attend if we were wearing masks. When we arrived at the gathering, we found that most of the people there, and all of the people who would be staying for the gathering (19 people), were wearing masks in support of us. It was as if my maternal grandmother was reminding me, “You are not alone. Look at how many people love you and want to keep you safe.”
Thank you, Grandma, for the messages of support! I received them.
Other happenings this week:
I was finally able to schedule a cone beam scan with a holistic/biological dentist in a neighboring state for later in May. All of the holistic/biological dentists in our area are booked solid until later in the year. A holistic/biological dentist is required for a variety of reasons, but mainly because they have a good understanding of the connection between the health of the mouth and the health of other areas of the body. We now have to figure out how to travel for that appointment and possible treatment, but we are working on it.
I also began the process of getting my new MD to order IV iron infusions. It has been a process, because she doesn’t know my history. If you recall, I had to find a new MD after treatment with my previous MD abruptly ceased in early January. Let’s hope that it goes more smoothly from here on out. Fingers crossed.
Today, I started the next treatment protocol. The next steps that were pushed back due to the funeral and family gathering have now begun. We are beginning the process of trying to kill some of the pathogens. As I mentioned previously, the key is to find the right balance of killing, binding, and eliminating pathogens and toxins. I am not feeling the best today, but I am managing the side effects so far.
Next week, the plan is to add in the 10 Neurofeedback sessions in 5 days in order to try to disrupt the chronic dysregulation of my nervous system due to years of fighting pathogens and mold toxicity. The hope is that the Neurofeedback sessions will allow my body to accept this next treatment protocol in appropriate ways.
Whew. What a week.
Brutal. The loss of a loved one.
Beautiful. The reminders that I am not alone. Family gatherings full of love.
Just another day of . . . This Brutiful Life: The Brutal & Beautiful Moments of My Life.
This Brutiful Life 