Over the last 20+ years, I have learned that people are generally kind, and most people want to be supportive of others to the best of their ability. Most people have the best intentions. However, I have also learned that most people in our society don’t know how to support others who are going through a hard time. We, as a whole, have never been taught what to say to someone who is struggling, or what to do with our own feelings about what is happening in their lives. Emotional intelligence and how to best empathize with others are not always taught at home or in schools.
While I usually have the best intentions when I am trying to show support to others, the impact of my words and actions is more important than my intentions. How are my words and actions impacting the person I am trying to support? Does the person receiving the support actually feel supported by my words and actions? I still get this wrong in many instances even though my intentions are good, so I am trying to learn how to support others in ways that have a more positive impact. I am always looking for ways to increase my skills in this area.
The question I usually ask someone who is going through a difficult time is: What does support look like for you right now? And, when I am in doubt and don’t know what to say or do to be as supportive as possible, I usually tell the other person that I am thinking about them. Doesn’t everyone want to know when someone is thinking about them? I find this is usually better than saying nothing at all. I try not to let my lack of knowing what to say keep me from reaching out in support.
I follow The Holistic Psychologist on Instagram, and she posted these 8 recommendations yesterday. I thought I would post them here in case you, too, are interested in this topic (click on them to make them bigger):
Brutal. Not knowing what to say or do in support of someone who is struggling.
Beautiful. Reaching out in support even when I don’t know what to say or do. Being open to new ideas and learning new skills.
Just another day of . . . This Brutiful Life: The Brutal and Beautiful Moments of My Life.
This Brutiful Life 