[Note: This post may be updated in the future if more information is available.]
2021:
About 2 months after fainting twice in the shower, I knew that my body was in major decline. I was losing weight again, and I continued to be in severe pain in multiple areas of my body. My sinuses, ears, eyes, gums, skin, heart, stomach, intestines, spleen, liver, pancreas, kidneys, bladder, uterus, ovaries, and vagina were struggling.
I told my husband that I knew I was slowly dying, and I wasn’t sure if we would be able to find adequate medical care before it was too late. I also knew that if I told anyone else, they would assume that it was all in my head. What I knew would be difficult for others to understand is that I didn’t want to die, but I knew I was physically dying. It is hard to put this “knowing” into words except that I could literally feel my body physically dying in a slow and steady way. My organ systems were stressed to the max, and I could feel it happening in my body. Most people who haven’t experienced this sensation in their body would just assume that I was experiencing a mental health emergency, so I only told my husband and our therapist at first. The fact of the matter was that I loved my life, and I desperately wanted to keep living.
On the advice of our new therapist, we needed to continue to look for a new doctor. After working with us for a short time, she didn’t believe that this was a situation with a mental health origin, but she would let us know if she felt differently after working with us for a longer period of time. She made it clear that she has had multiple clients with chronic illness who have had similar experiences with doctors. Yes, there are similarities with how physical and emotional trauma manifest in the body, but there are also clear differences. She knew that we definitely had some emotional trauma that needed to be addressed and healed, but she told us that we needed to stay the course and keep looking for medical care for the root cause(s) of my physical ailments.
We continued to have appointments with the functional doctor from Nevada once a month while we looked for a new doctor. Someone close to me gave me the name of a functional doctor in our area (not covered by insurance, of course). I decided to call the practice and ask questions. The new patient coordinator answered all of my questions and could tell by my line of questioning that I already had experience with functional medicine and was probably not like the other patients in their practice as far as my knowledge level. I was beyond the basics of eating healthier, exercising, and doing more self-care. She assured me that this doctor was very committed to her patients and would do everything in her power to help. The only problem was that it would be 4 months before I could get an appointment. I decided to go ahead and make the appointment, pay the initial fee, complete the initial paperwork, and upload my medical records in the hopes that there would be a cancellation, and I could get in sooner.
In the meantime, my body was still declining. I continued to get iron infusions every few months, and I continued to try to take the best care of myself that I could. My vaginal pain was really intense, so the functional doctor from Nevada recommended getting a vaginal swab at my Ob/Gyn’s office. I told my Ob/Gyn that I didn’t think it was Bacterial Vaginosis or Candida, but I needed to make sure. She ordered a real-time PCR test (not covered by insurance, of course) that would check for a variety of pathogens. A week later, the results came back positive for Aerobic Vaginitis. I had never heard of Aerobic Vaginitis, but I was told that it was not an STI (again, I wasn’t worried since all signs indicated that we were happily married, but thanks). The Ob/Gyn prescribed 28 days of a vaginal antibiotic cream. Obviously, I was very concerned about the length of this treatment, but I was also desperate and needed to try something. The antibiotic cream made the symptoms worse, and when I tried to contact the Ob/Gyn to ask questions, she became annoyed. I then asked someone close to me, a midwife, if she could help me figure out what to do next. I asked about possible root cause(s). Between her and my functional doctor from Nevada, we figured out a possible path forward.
We had also recently had test results come back that indicated we might need to test the water in our house for contaminants. We sent in samples of our tap water and water from our high-tech water filter machine. The results for both samples came back with what seemed like minimal contaminants, so we were happy about that.
It was also time for the Covid-19 booster, and the functional doctor from Nevada advised me to get the booster shot, so I did.
In addition, my husband and I took this time to dive into some of the emotional trauma healing work with our therapist. As had been the case since my early 20s, I was very aware that emotional trauma can also cause physical manifestations in the body, so I wanted to address any aspects of my mental/emotional health that needed to be addressed. I wanted to leave no stone unturned. She provided us with tools, strategies, and resources to add to our emotional health toolbox.
Around this time, my maternal grandfather passed away. Due to Covid-19 ramping up again and the state of my health, I could not say goodbye to him in the hospital or attend the funeral with my family. It was a terrible time, and I miss him every day.
Just another day of . . . This Brutiful Life: The Brutal & Beautiful Moments of My Life.
This Brutiful Life 