[Disclaimer: I know the word “trauma” is sometimes overused, but today I will be using it as accurately as I can. I am obviously not a trauma expert, so this post is written with my very basic current level of understanding for my own life. Please take it as such and contact a trained professional if you need assistance.]
When the body is fighting pathogens, environmental triggers, toxins, etc. for an extended period of time, the nervous system can become overactive. The body keeps trying to fight off whatever the problem is, and when it can’t for some reason, the nervous system becomes overactive and can get stuck in fight mode.
The same thing happens when someone experiences other types of trauma including emotional trauma. The nervous system can get stuck in fight mode (or a different trauma response).
Both kinds of trauma can cause the same end result in the body. So, is my nervous system reacting to physical threats or emotional threats? The answer is both.
As I have mentioned previously, I will do whatever it takes to get healthy. I have always had this mentality. I call it a 360-degree review of my life. Our therapist calls it being a seeker. I have been attempting to do this since my mid-twenties, but I didn’t know until a few years ago that I was attempting to heal trauma. Are there physical traumas (repeated or continuous physical threats due to pathogens, environmental triggers, toxins, etc.) that need to be found and resolved? Are there emotional traumas that need to be healed? I am a firm believer that everything in the body is connected.
For a while, I didn’t understand that I had/have been traumatized by my health situation. My situation is very different than other people I know, so how is trauma part of my situation? I have not experienced some of same types of Big T Trauma that some people have experienced. However, what I have come to understand is that all humans have experienced some kind of trauma during their lives, and it all adds up.
All of the untreated pathogens, environmental triggers, toxins, etc. I have come into contact with throughout my life have accumulated in my body. And, if the pathogens, environmental triggers, toxins, etc. have been there for a long time, then my body is in constant fight mode. My nervous system can get stuck there.
On top of the untreated pathogens, environmental triggers, toxins, etc., all of the unresolved emotional traumas I have experienced until this point in my life have accumulated in my body. There are things throughout our lives that we don’t realize are traumatic until we do a deep dive. In addition, there is the fact that my husband and I have been treated like shit by much of the medical community for the last 20+ years. Blaming the patient just because they can’t figure it out, abandoning the patient when they get tired and their egos are bruised because they can’t figure it out, lack of bedside manner, dismissive behavior, etc. The repetitive nature of these experiences over many years causes trauma for the patient and those close to them. It took me a while to understand that this is trauma. I have heard others speak about it, so I know we are not alone. Our wonderful therapist who specializes in chronic illness and trauma has helped us to better understand this topic, and has provided us with some tools to assist us.
So, every time I am making physical progress and starting to feel better, and then we have to very unexpectedly start again with new doctors, my body can feel the emotional trauma again. This can set me back in my healing journey. We have worked really hard to learn the tools to move through the emotions in the healthiest ways possible, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t still set me back. How could it not? It is all connected.
Since a couple of doctors over the years have tried to imply that it is all in my head, I have made a concerted effort to focus on this area to make sure I am not holding myself back in some way (more on this topic later). The last 4 doctors and/or trained specialists in trauma have all told me that the origin of the problem is physical. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have emotions tied to the physical issues, so I am working hard to heal those, and any other emotional traumas, in a variety of ways. However, the current consensus is that this is mostly a physical trauma illness that has an added emotional trauma piece. Isn’t that lovely? Haha!
This doesn’t mean that we won’t find out something new tomorrow that changes this consensus. Part of my job on my healing path is to be open to new information from my medical team as it becomes available and to listen to the trained professionals in both physical and emotional trauma. I also have to trust my intuition and not listen to the armchair experts.
Even though the current consensus is that untreated pathogens, environmental triggers, toxins, etc. (along with biological predispositions, of course) are the biggest causes of my current physical ailments, the emotional trauma piece adds to it. Pathogens, environmental triggers, toxins, and emotional traumas are all filling the illness bucket, and the bucket needs to be emptied for the healthiest life possible. Again, it is all connected.
My previous team of doctors was treating my case with this knowledge and skill set. Now, we are trying to find a new team of doctors who can continue where they left off and/or provide more information and assistance.
Brutal. The damage the medical community can do to someone when it should be doing no harm.
Beautiful. My seeking nature. My can-do attitude. My insistence on doing 360-degree reviews of my life. My strong sense of self. My openness to new information. My commitment to healing. The wonderful medical care teams that have helped us along the way. Our unbelievably skilled therapist. My Support Team Captain: my Husband.
Just another day of . . . This Brutiful Life: The Brutal & Beautiful Moments of My Life.
This Brutiful Life 