This Brutiful Life

How much would you spend to try to save your life? This is a frequent topic of conversation in our house. My husband is the sweetest and has always made it clear that my life is worth every penny we have to spend to try to save it. However, that doesn’t take away the burden I feel for having to spend so much money on my medical care.

This week, as we try to navigate starting again with new doctors and/or treatments, we have spent over $3,000 out-of-pocket on appointments with new practitioners, treatments, down payments on services, new testing not covered by insurance that will be completed in the next 3 weeks, and therapy. And this is just the beginning. We have estimated that my medical bills this year will be $50,000-$70,000 out-of-pocket, and that is a conservative estimate. This would be for a variety of treatments and one of the “best doctors” for figuring out the most difficult cases. This chiropractor, who uses a functional medicine (root cause) approach, says on his website, “I may not be your first doctor, but I want to be your last.” We have heard that before, so we have to hope this time will be different, and we will at least be closer to some answers and healing. What lengths would you go to in order to try to save your life?

Am I worth it? I have to believe that I am worth the high costs, but it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t weigh heavily on me. It is not like this is the first year that we have spent exorbitant amounts on my medical care. I won’t yet get into why most of my doctors and treatments are not covered by insurance, but I will just say (for now) that there is a reason why many doctors have gone to direct pay models instead of taking insurance. And, trust me when I say that I have tried every treatment possible that is covered by insurance.

I know we are not the only people in this predicament. I don’t know many people who have this kind of money to spend on medical expenses, and if they do, that money is probably earmarked for something else. We also don’t even know if this next possible doctor and treatment will help.

And, let’s not even go into the amount of time this week we have spent on the phone and at late-day appointments. And completing paperwork. And uploading previous test results. It has been an exhausting and stressful week trying to wrap our minds around what is next, if anything.

Oh, and we have full-time jobs. How else would we even attempt to pay for these types of bills? My last doctor said to me, “Most people in your situation don’t work.” Well, yes, but do I have a choice? I am grateful that I have flexible hours and a loving family, but it is difficult to manage it all. So many balls in the air at once.

Even though the financial aspect is a huge stressor, we will, somehow, figure out a way to pay for it. We will save as much as we can, and we will cut costs where we can. There is not much to cut, though. It is not like we are driving expensive cars or live in the most expensive house in our area. We don’t have a choice in the type of expensive food I have to eat, and we have to purchase supplements until my body can get the nutrients it needs from food sources. We already live as minimally as we can given our specific set of circumstances. Our therapist often reminds us to ask for help when we need it, so we will also ask for help from family when we know more. We are grateful to have support.

What about the people who don’t have the level of support we have? I know without a shadow of a doubt that I would be dead by now without some of the financial assistance from my family over the years.

Brutal. Even though we have had to start again so many times with new possible doctors and treatments, it never gets easier. I am so tired that I don’t even know if this post makes sense.

Beautiful. My relationship with my husband. It is not easy to navigate this part of our life together, but we work hard at it every day. I will save that topic for another post on a different day. I definitely don’t take it for granted. Also, I have a family who loves me and wants to help when possible. So many people don’t have either of these things.

Just another day of . . . This Brutiful Life: The Brutal & Beautiful Moments of My Life.